?

Log in

shit eating monkey fuckers inc. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Links
[Links:| heh heh heh... drama! ]
[_| NaNoWrimo fun... ]

(pas de sujets) [mar. 28e, 2005|06:22 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |sunny, hoping for tequila]

please please please

http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=blueish
LienEnvoyez un commentaire

(pas de sujets) [déc. 9e, 2004|08:30 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |coldon crack and cold]

alrighty. i've had enough with THIS journal. i'm not deleting it... BUT... i'm going to a different one. i don't want to be blewbleublue anymore. nope. not so much... i'm now going to be at.......
www.livejournal.com/users/phaereyfarm
hooray!!!
go there... if you don't... i'll be really really sad.... :(
see??? :(=sincerity
LienEnvoyez un commentaire

(pas de sujets) [déc. 2e, 2004|03:41 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |contemplativeon crack]
[Musique actuelle |some crap playing over the speakers at the union]

after this post, this will be friends only. i always hated it when people would do that. but if you want to be my "friend" you're more than welcome, just leave a comment saying so. and, yeah.

i apologize for the inconvenience of this, if there happens to be any.
Lien12 commentaires|Envoyez un commentaire

(pas de sujets) [nov. 23e, 2004|10:14 am]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |hungryhungry]

How common are blewbleublue's interests
Universal
none
Popular
none
Common
none
Specialist
bananas (6697)
elephants (5753)
frankenstein (1426)
Unusual
asparagus (647)
claustrophobia (90)
dishwashers (135)
locks (522)
nicaragua (287)
octopii (24)
queefing (29)
the terminator (359)
wantons (11)
xylophones (664)
Rare
granola/geriatrics (2)
hello kitty/hoola hoops (2)
igloos/insomniacs (2)
jack-o-lanterns/jumping (2)
kangaroos/kalamazoo (2)
marsupials/materials (2)
peeing/pathological liars (2)
raging radical rabbits (2)
salmon-colored paper (2)
umbrellas/umbilical cords (2)
vests/viscous fluids (2)
yellow-bellied yorkies (2)

Enter username:

InterestRank was bought to you by _imran_ and MemeLand.org
LienEnvoyez un commentaire

(pas de sujets) [nov. 21e, 2004|04:14 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |hungryhungry]

well, i'm getting better at throwing up.... also getting better at drinking past my limit... (in the sense that now i do it more than i used to)...
bleh
showering now.
LienEnvoyez un commentaire

thank you andrew, these are fucking ridiculous!!! [nov. 19e, 2004|04:00 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |amusedon crack]

UGH! by anthroporraistes
Username
Birthday
Favorite Aminal
Does Cthulhu love you?
You will be devoured by:square bob sponge pants
While:minding your own buisness
All this fun shit will happen on:June 6, 2021
While this person watches:raven7238
is the only person who gives a shit:josobu
going to hell?: 69%
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn
What is yo name?
Yo gangsta name beLaddie McBaddie
You ride around in aA pair of 1962 Roller Skates
Yo gangTha Vanilla Icers
Yo shoes beSpikey Goth boots
Yo dubs be dis big, fool1,607
How much money you got?$1.30254970096115e+26
How gangsta are you, bitch?: 28%
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:Your dashing good looks
Your Favorite Target:Inanimate objects
Your Kill Count:1,712,605,780
Your Battle Cry:"My kidneys tingle with pleasure!"
Years You Spend in Jail:35
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:$92,292,740,196,628
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 54%
Quiz created with MemeGen!


WHY GOD WHY?! by anthroporraistes
Username
What is your title?
Favorite Diety?
Monkeys?
???Sometimes inanimate objects try to rape me
Octogons?3.38893746129088e+25
WHY?!ptooiepronk
Chance this that this matters?: 74%
lord, more random stuff!!!!Marlon Brando is dead...
Quiz created with MemeGen!
LienEnvoyez un commentaire

AAAH!!! [nov. 19e, 2004|03:10 am]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |irateirate]
[Musique actuelle |"a feast of friends" the doors- american prayer]

i just found four greay fucking hairs!!! AND AND AND a new wrinkle!!!!
i pulled out probably two of the hairs (one of them disappeared), and scowled at the wrinkle.
i always wanted to get old, but, seriously, i thought that i'd do it better...
save me from my aging self!!!
GREY FUCKING HAIRS!!!!!
LienEnvoyez un commentaire

odd weekend thus far [nov. 13e, 2004|04:27 am]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |amusedamused]
[Musique actuelle |quite quiet... there's fog outside of my window... i feel like i should be in the bay area....but i'm not....]

so, here is my weekend:
*tuesday night.... i read choke for about two hours. great book. fucked with my head a bit.

*wednesday... i have no classes... it is the start of a five day weekend. hooray. andy and i are going to buy my friend scott, in california silly shit at the dollar store to send him. we run into blair and chat for a while. fun times. i have the urge to do lots and lots of drugs.... as of wednesday night, i do not do them. andy and i go hang out with jd, causing him to not play halo2 anymore.... we drag him out... not really drag, but go out with him to the mad italian. lots of fun. his cat "dirk-if that is its real name" followed us all the way there.... fun stuff.... get back to the dorm, sit on our asses for a bit, and ponder life....went outside for a cigarette, saw marie, joe and chris. they are all quite drunk... marie has andy and i come back to her room with her to drink. so, we do. just a silly evening....

*thursday...boring day... i suppose. i do nothing for the majority of it. hang out with andy. we watch: "a taxing woman" which is directed by the guy that did "tampopo"... it should have been a good movie... it wasn't. we then watch....: "information processing", which was made in 1971... very cool, and silly, but i felt bad for the poor poor pot-head who couldn't figure anything out.... then: "saw" which was quite good besides a few silly camera things... and special effects which were not needed...then: " clean, shaven" which is tied at the most depressing movie i've ever seen, with "dancer in the dark"... wonderfully sad movie about a schizophrenic... he even had the eyes.... freaky. then, because that was so sad, we decided to watch "information processing again"... but DAN THE MAN wanted to "smoke a boogie" with us, so we left.... then started the most amusing evening of drunkards EVER!!!!
.... DAN THE MAN insisted that andy and i drink with him in the study room, so we did. why not?? then cops show up (for an unrelated circumstance) and we leave our booze in the study room... to go smoke. then the fun REALLY starts. dan is a very amusing fellow... dan kept screaming about oral sex and cunts and the like, at the top of his lungs... at about four in the morning... until, about seven... DAN THE MAN professed his undying "want" to "eat my pussy" last night... and then some. quite odd. he kept me up until seven in the morning.... he was quite quite drunk. lordy.

*friday... i woke up at noon, didn't leave my room until about 3:30 pm... very tired... hung out with andy and janelle, she's a sweetheart... i ate some of her cheezits a little while ago, so i should probably buy her some more... so, we decide we're going to get drunk... but that doesn't work. andy is inefficient at making bloody mary's.... poor andy and janelle... they drank them... not me. we go wander around, and find these silly boys on B2.. we hang out with them for a few hours.... very amusing. then, we go outside to smoke, and drew comes up, quite drunk, he wants a cigarette, i give him one. he says he's C3's new DRUNKASS!! i think not. he is DRUNKY McDRUNK-PANTS!!! he got kind of mad... and at some point in the evening apparently threw up everywhere. anyway... earlier, before going down to B2... andy and i make janelle watch "information processing"... i don't think she liked it as much as we did.... but it's SO all about the "panama red".... then we watched "dog star man" quite odd.... it goes really well with anything mike patton.... lordy. janelle goes to bed, and that's cool, she was tired... andy and i try to drink kahlua banana mudslides... they're gross... so we watch "napolean dynamite"... we here someone scream outside, thinking it's DAN THE MAN... i yell "hi dan!" out of andy's window... they say "hi" then i see them, and say "you're not dan" and they say " no, but thanks for noticing". later, i look out of andy's window, and they call up, asking to be let in, so andy and i go down and let them in. very amusing folk. one of them was one of the people we all blamed for starting the dumpster fire... but he didn't do it. they were drunk, and very silly.
after "napolean dynamite" is over, andy and i go to smoke. mama joe is out there, and we talk to him a bit, then M2, Rain Chris, big Chris and Vlad come up. big chris tries to kiss me and some such... i duck out of it, and go stand with the rest of the group...

*the end. now i'm here...*

p.s. i think i have a problem with ONLY drunk boys hitting on me. why can't sober boys hit on me too????
p.p.s. Salvador Dali is definitely looking down right now smirking. Thank you Salvador Dali!!! THANK YOU!!!!
Lien3 commentaires|Envoyez un commentaire

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow [nov. 7e, 2004|03:37 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |in too much pain to be in a mood...]
[Musique actuelle |it's really really quiet.]

i am getting a tetanus shot tomorrow morning. that is all i will say about my day/evening/night/morning.
Lien1 commentaire|Envoyez un commentaire

(pas de sujets) [nov. 5e, 2004|09:31 pm]
lah ah oo rah *click* *click*
[Humeur actuelle |blah/poopy]

“Zanzibar”

Blair sat on the toilet, thinking about the day. He began putting pressure on his bowels. He didn’t have time for this shit. No pun intended. Blair didn’t want to sit around and wait for his feces to plop out of his ass into the toilet bowl.
It had been a while since he had cleaned his toilet, or his bathroom for that matter. His sink and shower were currently growing little friends for him. The sink had an assortment of paints crusted around the edge of the drain. One of them started out while, but is now a slimy green. The shower has a black ring of mildew three inches below the ceiling and another four inches off the floor. The shower drain had collected enough hair to allow water to stand for hours.
He didn’t want to think about what was growing in his toilet bowl.
Blair pinched off the shit protruding form his anus. It made a little splash in the water that trickled on his butt.
Two hours later, Blair was eating lunch with another student in his art history class.
“Yeah. You know how it is. I blacked out last night, woke up in my apartment wearing lingerie and my roommate’s girlfriend’s dress. And now my friends are all laughing at me.”
“Damn dude! That kinda happened to me last year… except I lost a bet … and when I woke up, the dress was tacked to my door!” Blair said.



“How I Discovered Immortality

Bob felt a gurgle in his stomach. He was on his way home from the bars. The Conoco was half a block away. He could make it if he didn’t hit the red light.
The light turned yellow and then red as Bob approached. There were no cars coming, so Bob decided to book it across the street. The gurgling was getting worse and getting closer and closer to escaping his body, the way an inmate would escape prison if given the opportunity.
The flashing lights stopped him when he arrived at the other side of the street. The officer got out of the squad car, and walked slowly, deliberately over to Bob.
“You know, jay-walking and public intoxication are both illegal sonny,” the cop said.
“Yessir,” said Bob. The bile was trying even harder to force its way out of him. How was he going to get out of this? He had come so close to using the bathroom, rather than defecating in his pants. The Conoco was right fucking there! How did this always happen to him?!?
“You alright?” the cop asked.
“Nah dude. I gotta take a killer shit! I ate a 5 on the spicy scale at the Thai place earlier, and now it wants to come out. No. I am NOT okay!” Bob said.
“Sir. Please refrain from using such obscenities. Thank you. Now, you are the third person to say that tonight. You have the right to…”
The cop went on and on. He put the handcuffs on Bob, and put him in the back of the cop car.
As the policeman closed the squad car’s door, Bob shat himself.
The next day, Bob was released from the holding cell. His ass was still covered in his own excrement, and he stunk, but at least now he’d get to tell his friends he shit in a cop car. He’d be the only one. Ever.



“Drunk Ass”

Jeremy is in the blackout zone. He even knows that he’s there. He is wandering the halls in the dorm he lives in. He has been drinking since 5:30 in the evening. He usually would have fallen asleep by now. It’s two in the morning. Jeremy stops in the hallway and leans against the cinderblock wall, pisses down his leg because he forgot to take his dick out of his pants. He looks down at his wet leg, chortles, then continues walking down the hall.
Jeremy goes into a room he thinks is his. It isn’t. Jeremy sits on a box in the closet to the right of the door.
“Jeremy! What the fuck are you doing? Jesus fucking Christ!!! Get out of my goddamn closet!”
“What are you talking about you fuckin’ bitch? I’m not in your closet. I’m in my bathroom. How’d you like it if I burst into your bathroom while you’re trying to take a dump, and yell some gibberish at you?” Jeremy says to the girl who lives in the room.
“ I don’t want to hear it you sorry drunk ass motherfucker. I can’t believe you! You’re trying to poop in a box in my closet… what the fuck?!?” She said.
Jeremy stands up, hitting his head on some t-shirts on coat hangers. He looks around, tries to make-out with the girl who lives in the room, when she pushes him away, he pulls up his pants from around his ankles.
“Hey….Ummmmmm…I’m sorry…” he says, then turns around and walks out her door back into the hallway. He goes back to his room, goes directly to the bathroom he shares with his roommate and suitemates; drops his pants, sits down on the toilet seat and waits for his release.



“Inspired by All Quiet On The Western Front”

It was a beautiful bathroom. Pristine. You could tell that no one had ever used it. She sat there. Wishing she didn’t have to go so badly. But she did. She really did. She’d been holding it in all afternoon. She found out this morning that she’s pregnant. She doesn’t know who the father is. But that’s not her fault. It’s hard to know who the father is when you don’t remember ever even having sex. She wasn’t ready for this. How would she tell her parents? She didn’t even know who the father was! How could the doctor have told her that she was pregnant? Mary had just turned 20. She had never had unprotected sex, and had never missed a birth-control pill since she turned 16. She hadn’t even had sex in a year. She was terribly confused, and hoped that it was some sort of mistake.
She looked around at the bathroom. There was no mildew. No dirt. Not even a speck of dust. Nothing. The bathroom was so clean she couldn’t bring herself to be (probably) the only person to ever crap in its toilet. She stood up, pulled up her pants, and left the bathroom. She could not defecate in there.
Upon leaving her aunt’s bathroom, she didn’t know what to do. She went up to her aunt’s room, and said goodbye, and thanked her for the lunch earlier, then left.
Mary hurried home, and did not stop to check her answering machine on her way through the door. She ran down the hallway directly to the bathroom. She pulled down her pants and waited for all the shit to come flowing out. It did. She felt relieved. It was as though her entire life had been cleansed. The absence of feces in her life gave her great pleasure, and helped her believe that someday, the shit growing in her uterus would not be such a burden.



“Jesus Hates Me”

Jessica was on a blind date. The boy she was with was the cutest thing she had ever seen. He was gorgeous, intelligent; he shared her moral, political, and religious values and beliefs. He was perfect. He even had the same views on abortion as she did. He agreed that to have an abortion was just the same as bombing the shit out of one of those little tiny villages in Africa filled with starving children who are converting to Christianity.
Jessica and her blind date, Joel, both disliked scream bands and heavy metal. They liked happy-crappy bands like Switchfoot and Creed, and on occasion Fountains of Wayne.
Joel had picked out the perfect moderately priced Italian restaurant with real flowers and candlelit tables. It was very romantic. Jessica could see herself falling for him. She was sure that he felt the same.
Jessica had worn her most intriguing dress for the date. It was a black dress, which showed off her legs, arms and perfectly sculpted back, but not her cleavage. If a man saw her cleavage, it was like Jesus was crying. Joel had worn a nice suit. Not a very nice suit. But a suit that was a little out of style, but still had the qualities that trendy things sometimes have… Jessica wanted him.
Jessica began rubbing her legs together slowly, and tried to play footsies with Joel under the table. He glanced up at her, with his perfectly innocent baby blue eyes, and grinned. A slow, sexy grin. She couldn’t wait until he would rip off her dress, throw her down on a bed, and make wild passionate love to her. Jessica got wet just thinking about it. She was a born again Christian, also a born again virgin. She hoped he wouldn’t think about her honor in this situation.
After their meal, Jessica invited Joel over to her place. He insisted on his own apartment. Joel held her hand all the way to his apartment. When they got there, Jessica was so excited she could hardly contain herself.
When they got inside, he went to go make some coffee; she stripped down to nothing. Joel came into the living room a few minutes later, and immediately started blushing. He had brought with him the Bible, so that they could read their favorite passages to each other.
Jessica sat there, staring. She didn’t know what to do. She immediately raced for the bathroom. She didn’t think to get any of her clothing. So, she just sat there, on this beautiful boy’s virginal toilet seat… planning her escape.
Jessica was very very nervous. Since she was little, every time she would get nervous, Jessica got diarrhea. She sat there, hoping and praying that she wouldn’t this time. The walls in this apartment seemed so paper thin.
She couldn’t control it anymore. She had to go. She let herself fart and dribble feces down the toilet bowl’s interior. Her bile had never smelled worse, and she had never felt worse about getting diarrhea when nervous.
When she was done, she couldn’t face Joel. Instead, she slipped into her clothing and crawled out the bathroom window, leaving it open behind her to air out the bathroom.


“Better Than Phone Sex”

“Hello?” she said.
“Hi. Is Teresa there?” he asked.
“This is she. Who is speaking please?” she asked.
“Lord, Teresa, it’s me honey!” he said.
“Oh. I’m sorry... it’s been such a long time you know…” she said.
“Why do you sound so strained, sweetheart?”
“Oh. I’m opening a jar… It’s a tough one… No big handsome strong man to open them for me…” she said, while grunting.
Plop.
“What was that?” he asked.
“Oh. I dropped a pickle back into the jar by accident,” she said.
“Oh. Okay Terry…” he said.
“Will you hold on for a second, sweetheart?” she asked.
“Sure Terry.”
Splash. Whirr. Glug. Swish. Whirr. Splash. Gurgle. Glug. Thud. Shatter. Screech.
“Terry? You alright?” he asked.
“Yeah. I was just running and tripped and hit the wall. No big deal. I’m fine. Just clumsy…” she said.
“Oh, well, I gotta run, the dog wants out… I’ll talk to you later, hun?” he asked.
“Sure thing, lover. I miss you,” she said.
“I miss you too,” he said, as he hung up the phone.
“Jeez! I can’t believe Teresa went to all that trouble just so I wouldn’t know she was taking a dump…” he said, watching his dog on the lawn. “ It must be love.”
Lien9 commentaires|Envoyez un commentaire

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]